Different Directions.

I am at the crossroads.
For the past semester God has been calling me to some life changing event.
I feel this summer God is going to be working in my life, hopefully He will use me to change others as well.

As of right now I have 3 opportunities to choose from and they are all things that are close to my heart.
First is Visible School summer tour, which would give me a taste of touring life which is the lifestyle that I feel i am being called to.
Another is Speak out LOUD tour in Alaska which I would be a part of a drama team doing edgy skits about issues the church doesn't always want to address.
Lastly the one that is making all these decision so much harder is I have a chance to go to Haiti this summer, which is now something that is a very pressing issue.

In all this I still want to go home and see all the ones that I love.

There are so many things to decide between
This is almost more painful then not knowing what I should do with my life.
Lord please give me direction.

PS. With a group of friends we are going to raising money for Haiti with a friends organization called HelpHealHaiti.
I'll write another blog soon to give more info soon.

Unconditional Love

"and I'm sorry to which ever man should meet my sorry state,
watch my steady lonesome gait and beware.
I would never love a man 'cause love and pain go hand in hand
and I can't do it again" - Laura Marling New Romantic.

Although I've never been in love or have ever been heartbroken these lyrics have rung true in my life for the past month now.
lately I have been so turned off by the idea of love and what our society makes it out to be.
we taint and depreciate the meaning and value of love, its become a everyday word and has almost become meaningless.

This world makes me think more and more everyday that love doesn't actually exist. That its just a made up feel good thing that we make for ourselves. Ever since we are little children we are fed fairy tales of true love and and then as we get older the image if love gets warped.
this world is turning me off of love and it needs to stop.

The only thing I can count on is Gods unconditional, He loves me no matter what, He shows me grace and its so beautiful.
Tonight i saw Shane Claiborne speak and he said some things that really hit home. One thing is that God has shown us all this grace and love and as christians we need to show others the same, even if we don't see eye to eye with them.
This is what real love is made out of, and when we grasp this and fully understand it we are ready to love others to the full extent that God created us to.
The bible says to love your wife like Jesus loves the church.
The truth boils down to at this current moment of my life is that I don't see how we as humans can love each other with that much intensity, especially when society has some wacked way of thinking.
So until I find that kind of Godly love from a man I will be slightly skeptical if its even possible.
Does this mean I have some crazy standards as a woman... absolutely not.
My standards are high and they are staying there, no worldly lie will make me think twice.

God is my first and for most love, my only true love, He will never fail me,
until He brings along that man who will love me to the extent God wants him to I will remain a proud cat lady.

A Little About the Cat Lady

Almost 19 years ago in Secaucus NJ a beautiful baby girl was born.....

Ha, but no really...
I don't know what to say about myself
when I think about who I am my thoughts and emotions get ruffled, Its a sensitive topic at this current moment.
I know what what I truly believe in, I know what I stand for, and deep down I know I am a confident woman in Christ.
but lately the exterior stuff has been stirring up some good old fashion trouble with in life.
I've been very reflective and its been causing countless sleepless nights in this past month.
The person I thought I was isn't who I am, but at the same time I am the completely same person, just a little broken, older and wiser.

I can defiantly say I am a stronger person then I was this time last year.
2009 was such a growing year for me and im not going to lie, the hard times were really challenging but I made it through and the good times and memories will last a lifetime in my book.
I can confidently say that I do love my life despite conflict and strife and I have my Almighty Savior to thank for that.
God and all the wonderful people that he has put in my life are the reason I wake up every morning and greet the day with a joyful heart.
I've always been told that I bring joy to other lives and that makes me really happy.
I don't know if im what they call an average girl, who knows to some I might seem outrageous and to others I might not be the sharpest tool in the shed, Still I really enjoy who God has created me to be and I can honestly say I wouldn't not change a thing even if someone offered.
I am defiantly one of those "stop and smell the roses" kind of people, I believe that God created so much beauty in the world for us to enjoy and our society is so busy they never take the time out to fully appreciate it.
Snow fall, forests of trees, sunset skies, fields of grass, flowers, and rainy days, have you ever seen so much beauty anywhere else?
I guess im just a total kid at heart, and if you get to know me then you'll find it to be true. I just don't think we should be living life with some gloomy cloud over our heads all the time.
I want to get out there with the passions that God has given me and make a difference, even if its just changing one person at a time, I want to use my songwriting and photography to inspire others and make them want to change the world.
If I can change someone's heart then they can change another's and so on and so on.
Not going to lie, I am terrified of what life has to throw at me for 2010, that doesn't mean I am not excited, because I am SO FREAKING excited for what is to come.
basically in a nutshell, im insane but God still values me like no one else and that is why I am so deeply in love with him, because that really is the only true love I know and that is one of the biggest reasons I call myself a cat lady is because even if I am ever alone I know God is still there for me, and he makes me feel what real love is.
God is love, and no one can tell me any different.

Well I feel like im at the point of rambling.
so goodnight blogger.com and see you soon.

Love,
Karina Mia